Tuesday, 10 November 2009

withering in despondant futility

NB has packed up his sequins and hooker heels and gone AWOL. After a final melodramatic self pitying tantrum Jade's gone off to focus her attention on her latest hobby - horse genitals. No one's claimed harassment and threatened to delete their blog in months.

RD in his own little utopian bubble, (like the Golden Girls), still valiantly believes telling us about his red electric kettle, new wrinkles and withered drumstick keeps us enthralled and gasping for more.

WHERE has all the fun gone from Kottu??

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

all wind...

Zoltan is so touched. It Looks like someone in The League not only reads the work of the Holy Highness but also agrees with it! And what a renowned, respected, well-informed member he is. I mean she is.

His views are smart and sensible and expressed so clearly that even an idiot could understand them. Zoltan just cannot understand why the rest of the League dislike him so much and his glowing tributes to them all. I mean her. Don't they realise how lucky they are when he singles one of them out to blow hot air in their general direction? I mean when she does. Just because his posts are riveting and don't put people to sleep like some others do, is no reason to begrudge him his well thought out, concise, intellectual theories and mass popularity. I mean hers.

You Go Girl!

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

that warm fuzzy feeling

The league truly are an inspiring bunch. I mean really. How many people do you know who would share as much personal detail with the public as they do? It really does induce that warm fuzzy feeling (maybe for some in their pants not so much as their hearts) that we all forget about when we get caught up in the everyday, fast paced, materialistic world. After all sharing is caring they say. Browsing their posts is almost as much fun as going to an AA meeting sober.

Yes the Holy Highness is referring to one delightful post in particular.

Miss Jade has very considerately shared in detail the anatomical amplitude of her new squeeze's genitalia. I'm sure all of the League are now anticipating her next update with bated breath and dilated pupils (amongst other dilated organs). Oh HOW will we eat, sleep or breathe until her next post?

Maybe next time we will be treated to a show and tell. Oh. Goody.

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

How big are your Pom Poms?

Zoltan cannot help but marvel at the talent and courage of The League. Not only do the hideous trolls who do nothing but hurl baseless insults pose absolutely no threat to them (for they band together in unity and strength to ward of any opposition that dare criticize their noble efforts at world peace and women's fashion) but they also have their very own Cheerleading Captain who takes these dastardly villains head on. With a one and a two (and a three and a four and a five and a six and a....in his case he sometimes forgets to stop. bless his little excited skipping feet) he tells the lilly livered Critiques what is what Ra Ra Ra. His method is ingenious and simple. To post links to his fellow squad's work in between his ra ra ras and remind the weak straying lambs who venture into troll territory which path they need to revert back to if they know what is good for them. Very Clever, as this tactic will also probably win him those coveted votes for the crown at the prom, once again showing those nasty trolls who Mr Popularity really is!
So there, Ra Ra Ra!

Friday, 5 June 2009

Kill me slowly with Pepto Bismol

It appears to Zoltan that excessive consumption of Blueberry Cheesecake induces lamentable side effects. The adroit, rhetorical communiqu├ęs published each day by The League all possess similar undertones of wretched, inconsolable despair. Each member deliberates on an array of compelling brews, each brew holding the reviewer immersed and intent on the profound, abstruse, philosophical take on life and each philosophical assessment alluding to a troubled psychologically challenged mind. Or in Zoltan's humble opinion anyway.

Zoltan is concerned at the increase in number of failed attempts at self harm and suicide by the members of the League. One of the more eminent contributors to The League divulges her belief that she will only encounter true contentment posthumously and many of her narrations chronicle her indisposition at continuing to draw breath. Such Tragedy. And yet no one seems to have gone to her aid.
Zoltan couldn't help but be concerned about the tragic story of The Paramour bereaved by his one true love and his complete sense of despondency. Does his lengthy silence mean the Paramour may have accomplished what the others merely threaten to do?
The most mentally disoriented dramatist of the group somehow doesn't seem able to decide what it is he wants to slit his wrists over. And his devotees merely stand around and applaud his troubled sentiments.
A Pseudo Masochistic considerately publicly envisages her deliberate, gory demise. Could this possibly be a another call for help?
The Inconsolable Poet's agility at publishing invokes memories of Indu Dharmasena's aptitude for churning out comedies. In an attempt to grab the attention and aid of a compassionate caregiver this poet completely spruced up her page to resemble a pepto bismol advertisement. And still tragically, no help.

Zoltan has observed the numerous comments on each post and the encouraging messages left behind. The Holy Highness would like to suggest that these disturbed individuals aren't really looking to be stimulated spiritually. If they were, wouldn't the promising messages of hope, comfort them and embolden them into more positive,mentally stable individuals?
Yes they need encouragement. Give them that little push if they are teetering on the brink of a cliff, hand them the bread knife if all they have is a rusty bic razor blade and if they want to die slowly copious quantities of pepto bismol seems to be a favourite amongst them so go ahead and give them a whole carton of it and a couple of straws!

Friday, 29 May 2009

The King of Trolls

OH the thrill! The inexplicable sensation of delight that the latest post by the self proclaimed King of Trolls invoked in Zoltan. What a privilege to have an entire post dedicated to the Holy Highness. It almost renders Zoltan speechless. Almost.

Zoltan is concerned at the King's fear of being usurped as the Sovereign Troll by the Holy Highness himself. Not so, your Grace, your fears are unfounded. Please be reassured by the fact that Zoltan looks nothing like a troll and on the contrary is extraordinarily good looking, quick witted, charming and well mannered and is not particularly partial to living under a bridge.

Apart from this Zoltan is well aware that the Holy Highness cannot approximate the accomplished capabilities of the noble, aristocratic King Troll and would not even attempt to imitate his exceptional vocabulary or manipulation of the English language.

Banish those nasty insecurities Sire, the troll crown is undisputably yours!

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Jesus Christ Super Star and John Bonham

The Extraordinary League of Literary Pundits consists of a diverse number of contributors, each selflessly administering their ideology to the misinformed masses. Working tirelessly with admirable benignity, these aspirant exemplars address critical social upheavals with avant-garde convictions that leave one with a sense of wonderment and reverence. Two amongst these paradigms stand out conspicuously to Zoltan who cannot help but wonder at their adherence and commitment to the cause.

One of these advocates valiantly chose to leave his ample lifestyle, creature comforts and cheesecake to go out amongst the bourgeois and minister to their impoverishment. This Deity ingeniously documented and updated his teachings and miracles for the League and its followers to derive from and develop on. He astutely elucidates his message in parables and aphorisms so that the obtuse, asinine commonalty are able to discern and implement his doctrine in their habitual routine. Champion to the poor, providence to victims, sinners, children, women and the Samaritans, Jesus Christ Super Star is a proponent The League should flaunt proudly.

The other entity Zoltan finds himself impressed with is a different kind of Super Star. This personage selflessly disseminates his cornacopia to his groupies each morning. Most Artistes remonstrate the afflictions of living in the public eye but not the Darling of the League. Magnanimously, this demure, reticent percussionist bestows dollops of his personaltrivia on his adoring public, obliquely letting them know that he is not above befriending the less fortunate. This multifaceted drum enthusiaste has captivated avid devotees with multitudinous posts on his exciting performances that keep us on the edge of our seats. The fervent zealots that continue to pledge allegiance to John Bonham can only wait with bated breath in anticipation for a live performance!